“Fatwa mi say,” declared Richard Reid from his high security prison in the USA. Reid was responding to the setting on fire of the Jamaican flag in a TV ad by German electronics retailer Saturn. “The Jamaican government and the Jamaican people should not put up with this type of disrespect and if Germany does not pay 6-billion euros in restitution, fatwa is the only way,” he declared.
“Look what they done to me merely fuh wearing a shoe with a bomb on an airline from Paris to New York. I had to borrow someone’s cell to be able to speak to you from my cell…”
Reid said it didn’t matter that the ad was promoting the idea of world peace by showing how easily misunderstandings arose.
An out take from the Saturn ad.
“It’s the ites, gold and green they wanted to burn but they couldn’t do it with the reggae music in the background so dey burn the black, green and gold vicariously. So it’s two flags in one that they dis. Everybody know reggae and Rasta go together,” he said.
“No matter what dey say, you dis the don, you must pay. Hey, a must use that in a dancehall chant.”
Reid, whose grandfather was Jamaican, said the best advice he ever got from his dad was once when they were both out of prison.
‘“Richard,” he says to me, “when you go back in, convert to Islam. They take care of their own and those warders give them more food. Wot did dem Moravians do for my dad in Jamaica? Nutten. That’s why he had to migrate to Britain and get us in dis mess.”’
Reid says it was obvious to him that the Germans had had a design on Jamaica for a long time, starting with “dem Moravians” building cells in the mountains of central Jamaica.
“They’d build these churches saying dey want to help de poor black people but really I’m sure they had other motives.
“I’ve been reading up on my roots since I came off the hunger strike and I can tell you, they even have a GermanTown in Jamaica and during World War Two, we had to detain a lot o dem Germans at Gibraltar Camp where they now have the University of Jamaica.”
Reid said the Germans may have killed a lot of Jews but “because that’s not kosher it didn’t mean it was halal” either.
“They think we is Jewmaicans bro, dat’s why dem is dissing we flag.”
Explaining his mixed cockney and Jamaican accent, Reid said he used to like how his grandfather spoke but never spent a lot of time with him because “he left mi grand ma wit my dad” and he only met him at bail hearings for “my daddy” when we went to court in London.
“But I used to hang out wid the Jamaican youts dem in Brixton an we chat nuff patwa. Yeah mon. And recently I got a copy of the Jameikan Nuu Testament translation, so I practicing and getting back to my roots.”
Reid was however dismayed that Germany may have something to do with the translation. “I just hope they will also do a translation of the Holy Koran soon so that I an I bredrins can read the words of the Prophet in our native language.”
According to Reid, it was time for all Jamaican “yout and yout” to i-nite and fight the system.
“I’m in touch with the don gorgon Christopher Dudus Coke (no I cyaant give you his cell number, that’s personal) because we are of one order on bringing the youts in the ghettos together. You know the Americans were involved in invading his community and bringing him here for trial on bogus charges? And the Americans and the Germans are in bed.”
Asked whether the Jamaican government was complicit with the Americans in invading Coke’s TivoliGardens community, killing more than 80 people and then capturing and sending Coke to the USA, Reid said “sometimes you need strategic partnerships. We will work with the Jamaican government until we don’t have to work with them.”
Asked what would happen if Germany gave the Jamaican government 6-billion euros, with all the talk of corruption in high places, Reid said, “Nuh problem. Me and Chris have that covered. And we plan Passa Passa all over Jewmaica, Brooklyn, London, Toronto…”
A Jamaican government spokesperson said they were busy completing a deal to get a few hundred million dollars from the International Monetary Fund–which observers say is a drop in the bottomless pit which is the Jamaican economy for 40-plus years.
“I haven’t been in touch with the Rasta brethren in recent years, but as Anthony B said in that memorable tune, Fatwa Pon Rome! So if that’s the way we have to go, we will be willing to speak with Mr Reid because we will do anything to bring home the bacon.”
When the spokesperson was reminded that Muslims and Rastas didn’t eat bacon, the government person responded: “Yuh know what I mean, and besides a lot of us eat bacon…”
Here is the offensive video:
About Mark Lee
Mark Lee has been a long-time journalist writing, editing and producing in print, radio television and new media.